Growing Up

This little girl had NO IDEA what lay ahead of her . . . where her life would lead . . . what she would become . . . it's all so unexpected . . . oh not the part of growing up, getting married and having kids - that was always part of the plan . . . but living in Alaska, being married to an attorney, having more sons than daughters . . . let's just say there've been a few twists and turns I couldn't have dreamed of. All in all - I'm living a very blessed and fulfilling life. I'm not the best me, but I've come through some challenges and experiences I never would have thought I'd have, let alone make it through. I'm lucky to be where I am - both physically and emotionally - I just want to work on making those experiences and lessons shape me better. I'm not as strong as I envisioned myself - I'm not as positive as I expected I'd be - I'm not as accepting of the  unexpected as I should be . . . what does it really matter anyway, right? I'm getting more and more OCD the older I get - maybe because I'm holding on tight to those things I CAN control, which aren't many, and to others may seem too trivial . . . but still - I hold on. 

And even though I have a longing to better myself in certain areas, I can't discount those things that have allowed me to experience the euphoria of empowerment and strength. I'm living up to some things I dreamed, but also reveling in some that never existed in my life's desired experiences. 

So - another year older, more experiences, more disappointments, more joys, more triumphs, more challenges, more love and admiration. Maybe by this time next year I'll be a better me - a better wife, better mom, better friend, better teacher - if I were to blow out candles right now . . . that would be my wish.