My "Losing" Battle

It's something I struggle with on a daily, no - hourly basis . . . something I HATE fighting for. The battle to lose weight.

This is my "goal" photo - it was taken spring or early summer of 2002. I have it hanging on my bathroom mirror, along with updates on my "progress" . . . right there for me to look at throughout the day (it's been a while since I posted a new progress sheet). The first time I started the battle back in 2001, I wanted to prove that it wasn't my fault that I was overweight - I wanted Weight Watchers to fail so I could prove there was some reason out of my own control that was keeping me from ever looking good in jeans. I knew I could do whatever WW required of me for one week. But when I returned with a weight loss, I figured I could do it one more week, and honestly by week 3 I was sold. So I took off full-force, never looking back. I began working for Weight Watchers about the same time I reached my goal and from then through December of 2006, it was a huge part of my life. Even through my pregnancy with Jackson - but when I became pregnant with Aidan - I knew I needed to cut something back - it wouldn't fit with my life at this stage to work outside the home and be the mom I wanted for these 4 great kids.

So even though I was a WW leader for 4 1/2 years, even though I weighed less than I did in High School, even though I was named "Alaska Leader of the Year" a couple years ago, even though I LOVED wearing a size I never thought I would get into - I HATE that I have to think about food every single day for the rest of my life!!!

It is and will always be a battle. And as of right now, I'm not winning. SO - here are the top 10 things I use to sabotage my own fight to loose this weight.

10. Holiday Candy - why do they do it? Why do they make cute little packaging for typical candy just because it's a holiday? Any Holiday! Because they know that Mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are impossible to pass by when they are in pastel Easter colored foil. What's next? Labor-day-color mini Snickers?

9. Starbuck's Non-fat White Hot Chocolate - You may be thinking - non-fat, how can that be keeping you from shedding the pounds? Moderation - never heard of it!

8. Iced Pumpkin Cookies - You have to know that when I was pregnant with Aidan, I drove up to one of those little coffee shacks - no . . . I never have and never will drink coffee - but I knew they had other things, so I got my first White Hot Chocolate AND an Iced Pumpkin Cookie. Um . . . heavenly combo! And because they are "seasonal," I think I needed to tank up to get me through to the next season!

7. Red Robin Fries - There's this addictive seasoning they put on those things - an addictive seasoning that you can purchase for $5.00 a bottle so you can spice up the fries at home (and taco meat, and fajitas and anything else that sounds good) and feed the addiction in the comfort of your own kitchen . . . cuz they never make it to the dining room! Is there a 12 step program for this?

6. Dairy Queen Snicker's Blizzard - I may very well break a tooth with that frozen nutty, caramel goodness, but it would be a dentist bill well worth it!

5. Cinnamon Rolls - Since I got over the fear and taught myself how to make bread, I've been "practicing." OK - I just love anything bread-y. And for mother's day . . . I made myself cinnamon rolls. Nothing like pulling them out of the oven, drizzling on that icing and just forking it out of the pan - I dream of it for days after as my tongue heals from the burn.

4. Whip Cream - You know what I'm talking about, right? On Swedish Pancakes (that's crepes for you non-Scandinavians), waffles, animal crackers, and even just squirted right in the mouth - that stuff is fabulous!

3. Cake Batter - Yep - raw eggs and all. But it has to be a yellow or white cake mix. It's everything right with an edible substance . . . texture, smell, taste - I sometimes make cupcakes just so I can lick the beaters . . . and bowl . . . and spatula . . . 

2. Starbuck's Reduced-Fat Cinnamon Coffee Cake - Again - Reduced-Fat, what could be so bad about that? Well, depends on how much fat there was to begin with, right? That coffee cake is SO moist, so yummy . . . I have been known to find excuses to go out late just to patronize the Starbuck's drive-in window.

1. Spanky Whatermiers - Let me translate - Otis Spunkmeir Chocolate Chip Cookies. I couldn't remember the name once, and in the midst of a craving, a new title for those frozen wonders emerged. Just pop the pre-shaped cookies in the oven and you have perfectly shaped, perfect chip-proportion cookies in 20 minutes. They are nothing but trouble, I tell ya'!!!!

So here I am, less than 10 lbs from my current goal . . . and I can't get the umph to be good two weeks in a row. But reviewing this list makes me hungry - I'm going to start being good tomorrow!